As a writer the continuous lock downs were first viewed as a Godsend. Being an introvert being locked in my own home wasn’t a problem, in fact I looked at it as a paid holiday.

During the first lockdown I continued to write and got myself a book deal which was nothing short of amazing. It affected me in other ways I never expected though. I’ve never been blessed with an abundance of self confidence and there was always anxiety bubbling just beneath my veneer of capability so when I was made redundant as well it took away any closure to my working life I was looking forward to.

I was looking forward to the banter between my work mates as I completed my final year of work. Looking forward to the wind down but all that was stripped away in one swift move. So, no closure, no release as it were which played on my mind even though I didn’t realise it at the time. I fell into depression during the latest lockdown and went into full blown panic attacks caused by anxiety.

I tried to continue writing but I found it impossible to cope with even minute daily tasks such as getting dressed. For days I did nothing until I sought help from my doctor. I am now coming through the other end, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was prescribed medication for the depression and therapy for the anxiety and if anyone is going through a similar experience I can recommend that they also seek help. Therapy has taught me things about myself I never realised which has helped me in ways I never thought was possible.

A turning point for me was learning to cope with anxiety rather than trying to fight it. I treated it as an exterior force trying to invade and take control, rather than part of me exhibiting emotions long since buried. Another bonus was having my first dose of the Covid 19 vaccine. That was such a relief, as I came from the surgery where I was given the vaccine I felt a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Now I am back to work writing and getting prepared for the next book release in the Col Sec series by Red Penguin Books, my publisher and my therapy is working to help me deal with the anxiety which has receded to background noise. In time I hope to build up my self confidence to a point where my anxiety is nothing more than a bad memory and I can face any challenge life throws my way with enthusiasm rather than trepidation and fear.

This pandemic has affected many people’s mental health, there has been an increase in cases and I can understand why. As human beings we are social animals, we need to get out there and see people, our friends, family and when that is taken from us it affects us. When we have the choice of going out we can either choose to go or stay in, that is our choice, but when that choice is taken from us we begin to feel like prisoners in our own home. Now the vaccines are being distributed there is some hope on the horizon that some semblance of normality is about to return. When that happens, I will be on the frontline out the front door to visit my family because I have hugs to give that have been held back for far too long.

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