Since I started writing I’ve had writers block a few times and each time I have found a way through it. This time though, it is crippling.

Every other time I’ve experienced this type of debilitating block to creativity I have found a way through by switching topics, starting something new or simply just writing anything until I found inspiration to continue with what I had been working on. This leads me to believe that what I was experiencing wasn’t truly writers block but lack of inspiration.

In some regards, that could be what is happening now, but I doubt it. Some people have said that there is no such thing as writers block and what the writer is experiencing is either lack of inspiration or something else and they hint that the writer may not be good enough. They say that any writer worth their salt writes, no matter what. I would argue against that point as many notable writers have shared their experience with this phycological blockage.

For a few months now I have been disappointed with my product. I have reached over twenty thousand words into a story and have reached a point where I just can’t continue either because the story just doesn’t seem to be working or the characters aren’t turning out to be who I want them to be or I’m just not feeling it and I have scrapped the project to begin anew. Now some might say that I am the writer so saying the characters aren’t turning out like I want them to is a strange thing to say especially as I am the one in charge of their destiny. That is true but the way I approach writing is very organically and by that I mean I do it by the seat of my pants. I have an idea, I have the characters outline already in my head and I have a direction I want the story to go then I start to write and see what develops. For the first time in a decade or more it doesn’t seem to be working.

Over the last three months I must have scrapped a project at least three times. I have started new projects at least the same number if not more, and again, scrapped them. Nothing seems to be working. I am missing that vital spark, that tingling excitement that makes me get up early and start to write. The same excitement that keeps me up late at night forgetful of the time because I’m lost in a story so intriguing, so exciting that I just can’t leave. And I miss that feeling, it’s what made me want to write. Now I’m wondering if I can continue. What if I’ve burnt out, what if all the ideas have dried up, if that’s true then what can I do, if I’m not a writer then what am I?

Being a writer isn’t something you simply choose, it is who you are. I’ve been creative for as long as I can remember. Even at school I was writing or drawing stories and that continued through into adulthood. Self doubt is a part of who you are when you are a writer or artist or anything that is creative. You live with that doubt throughout your career wondering if you are good enough, can you do something else to improve what you do? Writers are sometimes crippled by it and change their entire process to try and accommodate what the audience wants. Early on I learned that the old adage is certainly true and that you can’t please all of the people all of the time so I decided to write what I wanted but now I’m not sure if I even want to write anymore.

With this uncertainty hanging over me like the sword of Damocles I enter a new year hoping that I will see my way clear to find a new direction or at the very least the way back to the road I had started down those many years ago. I suppose, time will tell.